How to Move On (or at least begin trying to)
One of the most transformative mantras I’ve adopted, and one that deepens all of my practices as a human being (my gratitude-practice, courage-practice, vulnerability-practice, compassion-practice… all of the woo-woo self help practices that I talk about) is the simple mantra: I release this.
I want to teach people the “I release this” as a method of centering and letting go of the pain of the past and the anxiety of the future. Each time I recite this mantra, which is often multiple times a day, it changes my life and makes me better — more whole, more soft and open to the world.
I learned “I release this” from Michael Singer in his work The Untethered Soul. Full of profound wisdom, this was my greatest takeaway from the book. And if there is one piece of advice you take from this blog of mine, I really hope it’s this.
So, in this post, I intend to explain how I use “I release this” — why I say it, how I say it and what it does — so that even if you don’t think you have any use for it it in this moment, you can pack it away in that nifty little toolbox of yours and have it on hand whenever you need it. I promise you, this is a tool worth carrying.
And so I bring you: “I release this.”
Release what, exactly? If I were to give you this three word mantra and send you on your way, what would it mean to you? If I said to you: release what you’ve been carrying — where would your mind go? What memories would be called into your consciousness? What physical feelings would arise when I say to you: release what you’ve been carrying. What would you decide to release?
This all begins with what something that Indian philosophy calls Samskaras. As Michael Singer explains it in his book, a Samskara is a cycle of stored past energy patterns in a state of relative equilibrium. He writes: “It is your resistance to experiencing these patterns that causes the energy to keep cycling around itself. There is no other place for it to go. You won’t let it. This is how most people process their issues. This packet of cycling energy is literally stored in your energetic heart center. All the Samskaras you have collected over your life are stored there.”
Samskaras are energy blockages within your heart. Quite simply: something happens that provokes you to close your heart as a defense mechanism against getting hurt again. The paradox then being: when you close your heart, you close in the pain of that event with it. We cling to these experiences — for they aid the stories we’ve created about ourselves and our history. As Michael Singer writes “Clinging becomes the bricks and mortar with which we build our conceptual selves.” It’s what we have come to know as our personal trauma.
As it was explained to me: Every experience you have passes through the Samskaras before it gets to your consciousness. If an event doesn’t trigger a Samskara, that event just passes through freely. But if a current event stimulates impressions from the past, the Samskara — and the pain that it holds within it is re-lived each time that blockage is provoked by external stimuli.
You know when you recall something “embarrassing” you did or said, even months after it happened, and you feel your face get hot and your heart starts to race? That’s because you’ve held onto the experience of being embarrassed. We all do it, and we do it with all the painful and uncomfortable feelings we experience. It’s human instinct to want to protect ourselves from things like pain, shame, rejection or embarrassment — so once we feel it, we create a seriously powerful mental note to never put ourselves in that situation again. We do this with a shit-ton of conviction, so these “mental notes” become more like tattoos on the soul. They almost become a part of us.
But when we’re constantly closing our hearts to things, we’re then forced to relive uncomfortable feelings rather often, because samskaras are so easily triggered. So how do we confront these heart-blockages in a way that heals us from their infectious pain? We release them.
And we do so by opening our hearts.
That’s where “I release this” comes in. When you feel a painful experience from the past enter your consciousness in the form of psychological disturbance — perhaps you’re spiraling in anxiety because the interaction you had triggered the memory of an event that you’ve been holding onto from your childhood, or you have a thought like remember when you made that terrible mistake? I wonder what life would be like if that never happened — in moments like those, you simply say to yourself: I release this. You’ll be surprised by how effective this method is in actually releasing the pain.
For the bigger heart blockages (think: intensely traumatic events), it could take tens of hundreds of recitations of “I release this” each time you feel the pain of the event arise, until you actually feel as though you’ve been liberated from that pain. It doesn’t mean the pain of that memory will never dissipate; it simply means that there’s more pain to release.
The process is slightly uncomfortable, because it forces us to sit with our pain, take a deep breath as we feel that pain deep in our bones, and release it. Because Samskaras are stored with pain, it will be released with pain. Thus, in order to heal, we need to become comfortable with the psychological disturbance that this process invites. Once you allow yourself to feel that pain, and you make the conscious decision to acknowledge its presence in your heart, you can then decide to release it. You no longer have to live with all the pain you’ve been carrying inside your heart.
I’m sure some of you are reading this thinking: it’s not that simple. I can’t just say “I release this” and be done with that feeling. Well, you sure won’t be able to if you don’t believe you can. But I know with great certainty that this method works. I’ll be walking through campus, minding my business, and suddenly cross paths with a trigger—sometimes it’s a person, an interaction— other times it's simply a setting or a pervasive thought. Regardless of what it is that triggers my heart blockage, I can feel a concentrated discomfort overwhelm me as I re-live the pain that I stored in association with a past experience. Immediately upon witnessing these feelings arise within me — whether it be feelings of guilt, embarrassment, fear, shame, or confusion — I say to myself “I release this” and I feel as my body relaxes, my heart rate slows, and the weight of past memories is relieved from my being as I settle into the present. It’s like the pain dissipates within and around me, and all that is left is love and compassion for myself in that moment.
I wouldn’t share this method if I weren’t certain of its effectiveness; it’s something I truly believe everyone should know they have the ability to access. Some days I say “I release this” upwards of five times, other days I say it just once or twice. The more I release, the less I find myself holding on to. I release things I didn’t even realize I was holding onto. I release worries about the future. I release moments as they’re happening to relieve myself of the discomfort I’m feeling. I release the unworthiness I feel when I get a disappointing test grade. I release mistakes I make on the field immediately after I make them. And truly, it’s my superpower. I think I have a bunch of superpowers that I’ve discovered over the past year (spoiler, we all have superpowers — I’m not special). And truly, my ability to release pain is what has allowed me to live the past five months free of suffering — simply because it allows me to move on. I no longer dwell in the past or hover in the uncertain future. I let the past be what it is: the past. I let it be over instead of holding onto it and thereby holding onto a reality that doesn’t exist and certainly doesn’t serve me.
As you begin to use “I release this” it’s important to understand that you have to make a commitment to open heartedness in this healing process. You’re releasing Samskaras - you’re clearing your heart (a quite sacred organ) of blockages that keep you from living a wholehearted, connection-filled life. I know that it can feel like a matter of life or death when it comes to protecting yourself in this lifetime - especially protecting your heart. But if you spend this entire lifetime protecting yourself perfectly from pain, you’ll never grow. Thus, I urge you to let every experience pass through you rather than dwell in your heart, no matter how painful it may be. Allow the pain to pass through you — make a conscious effort not to hold onto it. Maintaining an open heart and letting life flow through you is the key to the entire idea of “I release this.” If you never close your heart, you’ll never let pain get stuck in there. You’ll gain power over your pain; you’ll forgive — you’ll release. You’ll free yourself from that suffering.
That is the kind of liberation and love that I wish for all of you.
So, this week, if or when you feel the painful feelings of life arising within you, I ask you to at least try what you’ve just read about. Say, in whatever volume you’re comfortable with, “I release this” and believe that with each recitation of the mantra, you free yourself of pain, and further open your heart to love of all kinds. In turn, that love will radiate from within you.
I love you, I am proud of you. There is no pain worth holding onto.
The past is over, and now we heal. We grow, we move on.
With love,
Cail