Things I’ve Been Really Into Lately

It’s a Tuesday afternoon and, as I write this, I’m sitting in my favorite cafe while the outside world is overwhelmed by thunderstorms—an ideal setting for the feelings of exhaustion and sensitivity that have defined my day, to thrive. This morning I cried for what felt like a very silly reason (c’est la vie), and went to class with puffy eyes. I thought about what I’d say if anyone asked if I was okay, and then I decided that trying to explain myself would probably just make me feel worse, and embraced the puffy eye look. After that, I called my mom, drove home, lit a candle, and took a three hour nap. Needless to say, today has not been the most exciting or productive day ever, but it’s the only October 25th, 2022 that I’m gonna get during this lifetime and that’s reason enough to appreciate it for whatever it is. 

Anyway, none of that is really important, but I wanted to provide some context to my day, because I feel like I’ve been lacking in the life-update department. But I can feel it: season two of blogging is upon us (for all intents and purposes, refer to my summer 2021 blog posts to acquaint yourself with season one). 

If I were a more disciplined writer, I probably would’ve forced myself to update this blog consistently throughout the past few months. But if there’s anything I’ve learned from both oversharing and under-sharing on the internet, it’s that my most impactful contributions to my community come when I actually feel called to write, not pressured to. Quality > quantity. 

I’d be remiss not to acknowledge that my reignited interest in blogging has been sparked by the recent brainchild of two of my dearest and, frankly, coolest friends in the form of their substack: the Madison Spain Club (of which I am a proud member). Every Sunday, Blakely and Savannah post a newsletter-esq life update infused with wisdom and value. And every Sunday, I sit with my silly little iced coffee and read the newsletter like it's the goddamn New York Times of spiritual and mental wellbeing. Needless to say, they’ve inspired me to take a more casual approach to blogging, which is what I intend to do in season 2 of Own Your Story. I want to share less hand-wavy spiritual philosophy and focus more on the actionable things that have been helping me live a more joyful, flexible, and present life. 

With that, I present to you: things I’ve been really into over the past few months. Most of these are things that I’ve been enjoying and appreciating—music, habits, hobbies—and then others are things I’ve implemented into my days with the intention of improving my quality of life. After a summer dominated by anxiety, the focus of this fall has been patience, compassion, and presence. Patience, because I know that healing does not happen overnight. Compassion, because listening to myself and honoring my needs has never failed me over twenty years of relying on it. And presence, because witnessing my anxious thoughts instead of engaging with them grounds me in the understanding that I am not my thoughts, but rather the one who is noticing them. Presence, because noticing how I feel when I’m with certain people has clarified which relationships I should be investing my time in. Presence, because I have officially entered the infamously confusing, overwhelming, and exciting decade of my twenties and I want to savor every moment of wholeheartedly embracing the fumble-with-life mentality while I’m in my fumbling prime (trust: I am fumbling happily). 

So, welcome to season two of Own Your Story. As the domain name says, this is a community—not only because I couldn’t afford the ownyourstory.com domain—but because these blog posts are meant to be an invitation for all of us to show up exactly as we are in this moment and feel embraced by compassion for ourselves and curiosity about the world around us. This season will be more casual, probably less woo-woo philosophical, and hopefully bring some levity to this chapter of your story, whatever that may be. 

As promised, here is the official list of things I’ve been really into lately:

This passage that I wrote as my writer’s memo for my midterm portfolio for an environmental humanities class that I’m taking, which effectively captured exactly where I am at in this season of life. This is just an excerpt, but it felt worth sharing. 

Two years ago, my enrollment in my initial environmental humanities course at Vanderbilt—my first taste of climate literature—signaled the first time in my life that I actually slowed down. Since then, my life has taken a new focus: pleasure, slowness, the divinity in everyday life and sacredness of the ordinary. Perhaps it was the transience of nature that brought me to this point; the fleeting presence of each season, the transformation of a tree before my eyes, the once-in-a-lifetime crash of each unique wave on the ocean’s shore. Or perhaps it was not so profound—maybe just I’m tired, and keenly aware of the fact that life is not very long, school is not very deep, and I will not save the world during my lifetime but I can save my sanity. More likely, it was a mix of the profound and the exhausting that led me here. 

Where I find myself now, both in life and in my writing process, is a place where pressure cannot sustain itself, grace is abundant, silence is where answers are found, knowing cannot be feigned, and curiosity has replaced judgment. Given the nature of our class, I particularly appreciate the grace we are given space to fumble with our ideas and words. Because there has been such an emphasis put on actually learning, I have found myself averse to writing for the satisfaction of simply completing an assignment. I would rather work slowly and purely, learning along the way, than write quickly and thoughtlessly. I have become fascinated with the questions of why and how that should be answered in the arguments we make, and I feel both challenged and excited in pursuit of those answers. 

Stick season by Noah Kahan, and this entire playlist on my spotify. 

My gratitude for Noah Kahan is immense, and I’ve never been as in awe of an album as I am of this one. I love every second of the album but my favorites are: Growing Sideways, Strawberry Wine, New Perspective, and All My Love. 

Keeping my phone on Do Not Disturb at all times.

Me and my 500 unread messages simply don’t want to hear it. I will be taking no further comments on this, but it’s made the list because Do Not Disturb has changed my life. Primarily because I’m not seeing 40 million notifications every hour, but also because it’s exciting to open up my phone when I genuinely have no idea what I’ll find in my inboxes. I’m firm in my belief that it’s not natural to be accessible to everyone at all times, and luckily everyone in my life knows that my extraordinarily slow response time is not personal. If you’re someone who is constantly checking their phone, I highly recommend trying the DND method. 

Watching movies, and logging them on the letterboxd app 

I’ve been really into watching movies lately, and keeping track of them in the letterboxd app makes it feel like my movie watching is productive. Recent favorites have been: Beautiful Boy, He’s Just Not That Into You, and both Top Gun movies. New edit: I watched The Good Nurse on Netflix last night while feeling slightly feverish, face down on my couch and it was honestly the highlight of my week. Incredibly disturbing story but the acting was amazing (in my non-expert opinion) and it was suspenseful without being overtly scary. 

Listening to pink noise while I sleep

Although I once made fun of one of my friends for requiring a white noise sound machine playlist while she slept, I’ve now joined the dark side and have added pink noise to my sleep regimen. Similar to white noise, pink noise is really subtle and relaxing. I usually forget that it’s on until I wake up and turn it off. As for benefits, it amplifies the power of the slower brain waves during deep sleep and can help people fall asleep faster and get deeper, less fragmented sleep.

Levi’s Baggy Dad Jeans

Best jeans I’ve ever owned in my life. I sized one size down and they fit perfectly. My friends can attest that I wear jeans everywhere, and it’s because they’re genuinely more comfortable than any other pants I own. 

Candles

This isn’t profoundly helpful to anyone’s life but I’ve been really into turning off all the lights in my room, creating some ambiance with my sunset lamp, and then lighting a candle. I’m always open to recommendations—so far I’ve loved the Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day soy candles that you can buy at Target and the homesick ‘New York City’ candle. 

Planning out my social calendar in advance

This isn’t a novel idea, but I’ve found that when it comes to effective time management, you want the social events in your schedule to add to your life rather than feel like they’re limiting you. Thus, I’ve gotten really intentional about who I’m spending my time with. As the quote goes, if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. I’m still working on this, but the sentiment has helped me focus on the yes’s I’m giving. Also, planning out your week in advance with things that you actually want to do will have you looking forward to something every day. Even if you have no social plans one day, you can look forward to having time to yourself. It’s a fool proof technique to fill your life with presence and joy. 

With that, I’ll leave you to it. It’s Friday morning as I’m finishing up this post, and I’m wishing all of you a wonderful halloweekend. Until next week (potentially? No promises) — I LOVE YOU ALL,

Cail